goodpokemonedits:

goodpokemonedits:

If you’re like me, you sit around continuously wishing, “I wish I had a man,” while you stroke your cat or whatever you use to cope with the soul-crushing loneliness of being without man. Well, wish no more! Your terrible, man-repulsing flaws are why I came up with my newest invention: Mr. Man™.

Mr. Man does all the things a real man (which you can’t get) does: he stands near you, he goes through your belongings, he scuttles around on all fours. It’s what you’ve always dreamed of.

When you order a Mr. Man, you can be sure you’ll never be lonely again, because Mr. Man will never let you out of his sight! Think you’re alone in the shower? Wrong! Sure you must have lost him in the forest by now? Wrong! Convinced you’ve finally killed him by following the arcane directions in the magical book you found in the basement of that dilapidated cabin in the woods that used to be used by some kind of devil-worshiping cult or something? Dead wrong!

Nothing you can do will ever rid you of Mr. Man, so make sure you order yours today!

He comes in four unique colors: Original Lime™, Salsa Verde Green™, Granny Smith Apple™, and Guacamole™.